Daddy’s girl

Yesterday was the 15 year anniversary of my father’s passing. Every year I have to do the math because it seems like it was so much more recent that he died. As a matter of fact it seems like it was yesterday.

Have you experienced death? Have you been present at the time a person passes away?

15 years ago I was 38. I was living in Huntersville, North Carolina with my first husband Donnie. We had 3 cats, wonderful friends and my career as a real estate broker was booming. When dad died everything came to a screeching halt. It was as though I was not living inside of my own body any more.

I felt like I was living in a place where no one could hear me. No one could really ‘see’ me. How could life simply keep moving on when MY FATHER WAS DEAD??!

My north star was gone.

My life was built up around having my father as my counsel. Passing ideas by him. Knowing he would always have the answer of what to do next. He was my Yoda.

It was vital that my father was proud of me.

So now what? What would I do and how would I know if I was on track now that he was gone? Where could I reach him? How could I hear him? How would I know he was OK?

I had to have blind faith. But first, I had to act out.

People say that you make some crazy decisions when you are in mourning. They aren’t joking. not everyone does this but I did. I became reckless. Those stories are for another time…

To not make matters any better, 2 weeks after dad died, I receive a phone call announcing that one of my best friends had just died. No warning. Just gone. Like that.

Another day imprinted on my brain forever.

What was the purpose of this? How can it be that 2 of the most important people in my world left it in a matter of 2 weeks of each other?

I started reeling. I was changed. Now I had to try to find 2 people in heaven to talk to me?!

Would God show up for me?

Yeah, God had my back. As he always does.  I ended up having the faith I needed. Thank goodness. I mean, it did take a while for me to stop reeling and acting out (like 2 years) but I hit 40 and I seemed to get my head on straight (er).

I had to start listening to myself and funny enough, I did have my own answers. They came to me sometimes slowly and sometimes quickly. But they came.

In my opinion we are all here to serve a purpose and when our purpose is served we return to the matter and energy from which we come.

Dad and Greg served their purpose and they served it well.

Rest in peace, dear hearts.

XO

Åsa