You have any friends ‘outing’ you?

My friend Anita just posted this on her feed and I had to share it with you because it was a TOTAL TRIGGER for me.
Has this ever happened to you?
A ‘friend’, co worker or even a family member does this to you in public (or in private, for that matter)?
This kind of behaviour is a biiiiig HELL NO for me.
First off, its completely and totally passive aggressive behaviour.
Secondly, I think this happens to us and around us more frequently than we would like to acknowledge.
Little jabs here and there. Little ‘minimizers’ to make the other person look stupid, less than or even worse… like they don’t matter. #mirroring
Always with a laugh after it… “I was only joking”…. hahahaha. Not.
I have experienced this type of behaviour during all of my formative years … so yeah… I get it.
This subject is a total trigger for me … which you might understand since I am making this into a post.
Maybe you yourself have felt this or even done this to someone else?
Have you felt small, insignificant, stupid and in the way, not worthy of the group or to be included… all the negative emotions that come around someone simply being ugly and mean.
Yeah, I know it. I have felt it. I have even done it. I can’t say I haven’t. I know what it feels like to feel pain. And I know what it feels like to cause pain too.
It’s hurtful all the way around. #hurtingpeoplehurt
I hurt so much as a young person that I went so far as to go to a therapist to learn new tactics to deal with my “biggest” oppressor.
To think, I was in COLLEGE when I went to a therapist and my oppressor had been treating me poorly for yeeeeears.
What was the counsel from the therapist on how to handle this person? To make them stop treating me poorly in public AND in private? To stop shaming me in front of others?
It was so simple and something I had never even considered.
She said , “When this person starts doing the action or actions you don’t like, simply tell this person that the action they are doing right now hurts your feelings and you don’t like it and you want them to stop.”
WHAT?!?!? As if that’s going to make them stop??!! They’re a bully!
You know what?
It did.
You know why?
Because I SPOKE MY TRUTH and told them how I FELT and I put a boundary down that then set a different course for how I showed up around this person.
I was embarrassed to use my “heart” words the first couple of times but my oppressor caught on. They had to look at themselves and their behaviour when I used my heart words instead of my curse words.
My truth. My true voice.
Words mean a lot. For good and for bad. I had to learn to use them more wisely.
How would you handle this situation? Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever experienced being in a place where this happens to someone else and you don’t speak up?
Like I said, I think it happens a lot more than we maybe want to admit.
Let’s be the light…
XO
Åsa